Spiritual expansion: feeling comfortable in my own skin

From the beginning of conscious memory, I didn’t feel like I fit in or belonged anywhere. I always felt like I was visiting no matter where I was. No place felt like home. It was more like he was observing people, places, and situations.

In many ways I felt lost and alone. It was difficult to challenge friends to keep them. Emotions and experiences affected me more deeply than most, if not all, of the people around me.

I was often challenged for seeing things differently. When I was a child, I was considered frank. Have my opinion of how things should be provoked: frustration, bitterness, feelings of betrayal and even anger.

For many years there was a very high and thick brick wall behind which I hid my heart, my Spirit, my uniqueness. Things still hurt, people are still misunderstood, and my heart still breaks. Instead of learning to deal with my true self, I hid behind a sharp tongue filled with anger.

I attracted abusive partners as a way to keep my human being online as an attempt to be like everyone else, to be normal. At some point I remember making a conscious decision to stop being angry. Hiding behind a wall didn’t protect me from the very things I wanted and needed protection from. It just wasn’t working.

My perception of my childhood is filled with not being loved enough, never being good enough, no matter how hard I try. Today I am pleased to share with you, through years of soul searching and much self-healing, my relationships with my biological family have been healed.

I decided to step out from behind the brick wall that I had built around me, although at that point I no longer knew who I was. There was a lot of doubt, insecurity and confusion about why I was in a place that is sometimes extremely harsh on all levels and in every possible way.

During the fall of 1989, my mom introduced me to crystals through a book called The Spiritual Value of Crystals and Gemstones. I didn’t just read that book, I devoured it and everything it had to offer. I started using crystals for their metaphysical healing properties.

I taught myself to channel energy long before I had heard of Reiki or knew what it was or how it worked. I practiced with friends and family every time I had the changes. Channeling the energy, like many things he would discover later, came naturally.

There was still little clarity about my purpose and why I was here. If only someone told me what my purpose was, surely I could find out the rest. If only someone or something pointed me in the right direction, everything would be fine. Perhaps then it would be adorable, accepted and valuable to someone.

I read many books, meditated, and worked on myself. I tried many techniques and yet nothing really fitted. He was closer with each step forward, still knew there was something more.

In 2005, I discovered a coffee shop here in El Paso, Texas called Butterflies of Wisdom. The moment I walked in I felt like I had come home. I met other Seekers, Lightworkers, and Healers.

We all believed a little differently, we saw, heard and felt things a little differently between us. The most important thing for me is how everyone accepts themselves and others without judgment, without conditions.

This incredible coffee shop and its incredible owners, Carlos Luis González and Scott Centers, provided a safe haven, an environment for this lost soul. I started to bloom little by little. I started taking classes, many, many classes. My thirst to understand the purpose of my life was insatiable. I kept studying, reading books, meditating, and working on forgiveness and self-healing.

With each step forward I discovered more about who I am and how to assimilate my truth, walk with my own talk while remaining authentic with my central essence, my true Self.

Since those first classes, I have consciously expanded my sense of awareness and my intuitive gifts. The expansion came at a cost. I was already very sensitive to energy, mine and all the energy around me. Sometimes it was more than I could handle and I was overwhelmed.

While crossing another energy portal, I learned to balance, integrate, and assimilate the growing gap between my energy vibration and the energy of others around me. I asked for and created filters to protect myself from absorbing energy and unwanted thoughts from others around me.

I’ve been where you are I understand the deep pain at the soul level of not knowing why you are here, of not knowing what your purpose is or how to fulfill your life purpose. Our circumstances are different; the soul-level pain felt in the heart is the same.

My sole purpose of being here in this realm at this time is to radiate unconditional love and light from Source so that I can help you fulfill your life purpose.