10 signs a man is not ready to commit

Okay ladies, I know you have these conversations, because I have them all the time with my girlfriends: how do you know a man is ready to commit to you?

We’ve all heard the conventional wisdom that a man should chase you, he should show interest in being with you, he should go out with you, drink wine and dine with you. And, for those of us who are godly women, we have to add the provisions that he must attend church, be filled with the Holy Spirit, and many other conditions that go along with it (be kind to his mother, respectful of his pastor, somewhat familiar with the Bible, etc., etc.).

But, once you get past all these ‘qualifications,’ how do you know when a man is really ready to commit to you? Today I’m going to turn that question on its head, and give you the 10 signs that the man you’re involved with is definitely not ready to commit. They are the following:

1. He is evasive and vague about his feelings.

You will never be able to get him to admit the depth (or shallowness) of his feelings for you. You’re ‘fine’ or ‘fine’… He hasn’t made any proclamations about what you mean to him, how important you are to him, or what he thinks of you. At best (if your man isn’t particularly talkative), he shows his feelings, even if he doesn’t tell you about them. He is polite, courteous and responsive to his needs. He cooks for you. He mows the lawn (without being asked). Or something like that. The worst case? He doesn’t share any of his feelings with you because he doesn’t have any. The deepest feeling he has for you is the aforementioned ‘good’. And no one wants to be just ‘okay’.

2. He doesn’t share his plans with you.

You don’t know how he spends his free time. You don’t know who his friends are. You don’t know what their goals are. However, he seems to have a full, complete, active life completely apart from you. This is definitely a bad sign. If you’re not an important part of her current life, you probably won’t be an important part of her future plans either. If you’re in a new relationship, give it some time. But if you still know very little about him after dating him for several months (or several years), this man is all too happy to keep you right where he has you: on the outside looking in.

3. Doesn’t answer the phone when you call

Yes, I know we are all busy sometimes. I don’t answer my phone at least 30% of the time (I have to work and sleep, you know). But what if he rarely or never answers? Or is he just calling you in response to a message (or messages) you’ve left on his phone or because he sees your number on his caller ID? Bad, bad, bad signs. A man who is interested in you wants to talk to you. It doesn’t matter what else he has: job, family, kids or whatever. You should be a priority for him (or at least your phone calls should be). If you are not, you should reconsider it as a priority in your life.

4. Hasn’t introduced you to anyone (or introduces you as ‘my friend’)

Ok, this is simple. If a guy hasn’t introduced you to anyone he knows (and at least has a mom, a couple of friends, co-workers, or someone), you’re probably not very important to him in his life. Why do I say that? What is one of the first things you do when you meet someone (that you really like)? Introduce him to your friends or invite him to go with you to different functions. Men are not very different from us: if they love having you around, they will invite you to be where they are. And, in the normal course of those invitations, he will meet people who are in his life. If you haven’t, then be careful. And, closely related to this sign is this:

5. He doesn’t tell anyone about you

When you talk to him, he can mention conversations he has had with his family or friends. He tells you all about these conversations where he talks about the baseball games or basketball finals he saw on TV, the repairs being done to his car, or how his boss is making him nervous. . You can even mention to these friends and family his plans for the weekend. But then you realize something: he told them what he was going to do, but not who he would do those things with (ie you). A mere carelessness? A compelling need for privacy? Possibly. But, most likely, he is not prepared for anyone to know about your existence in his life. This could be due to several reasons, but none of them are good. So keep up with the mentions of you in his life – it’s an important indicator of the intent and seriousness with which you take your relationship.

6. He talks about his future in terms of ‘me’

When he talks about where he’s going to live, what job he plans to get, or what school he plans to attend, it’s all about him. “I’m going” to move to Florida or “I’m going” to go to the University of Nevada. Or, even when he talks about things that could possibly involve you, like a future trip, moving from his apartment to his house, or even a movie he plans to see, for God’s sake, he still doesn’t mention you. What should this tell you? That he continues to think of himself in terms of being single. It hasn’t even occurred to him yet that his relationship with you might become more serious. All those “I’s” and lack of “we” is his subconscious way of telling you that he doesn’t consider you his serious partner.

7. He doesn’t take you out

Sure, he likes to spend time with you, but only in the privacy of his home. Or you have limited outings like to the movies (where no one can see you) or to the deli for a sandwich at the place around the corner from their house. You don’t do the ‘big’ dates like charity functions, birthday parties, family events or the like. This should tell you something: this man is not ready to be serious with you. A man who wants to be with you will spend time with you in a variety of places, both in public and in private. And even if he personally isn’t that keen on going to the museum, eating out, or seeing a movie, he should at least be willing to give it a try if it means pleasing you. Beware of a man who limits his activity to a specific type of venue.

8. He Only Calls Late (aka He Treats You Like A Booty Call)

Right. I know that we are all Christians and do not engage in late night conversations with inappropriate men. But, in case this applies to you (and you’re taking those late night calls), just understand that he’s not serious about you. If he just calls late, you have to ask yourself: what is he doing between 8 am and 9 pm? Why can’t he call him then? He Is he involved with someone else? Is he married or recently separated? Or does he just see you as a way to satisfy his needs (whatever they are)? Unless he works a really weird shift, there’s no reason your guy can’t call you at a reasonable hour. Do what feels right to you, but keep in mind that late night calls don’t equate to serious intentions.

9. Does not share personal information

Have you ever wondered why you don’t know where your guy lives? Or where does he work? Or are you not even 100% sure of his last name? Unless you’re really uninterested (or not inquisitive enough to ask him), it’s probably because he doesn’t want you to know. And why doesn’t he want you to know? He could be hiding something. However, he most likely doesn’t consider his relationship serious enough to share serious information about his life with you. Do not you believe it? Try asking him those questions the next time you see him. His answers (or lack thereof) will speak for themselves.

10. He is not interested in your activities or your future plans

We’ve already talked about the fact that he doesn’t tell you about his future plans. But now, to add insult to injury, he doesn’t ask about your plans either. Why is this so bad? Let me ask you something: what kind of people do you not ask questions like these? That’s right, acquaintances or people you barely know. You even talk to your boss (who you can’t stand) about what you plan to do on the weekend. However, your boy does not ask? Very suspicious. Suspicious enough that you rightly think he’s just not interested in knowing. Or else he would ask. And trust me, no matter what you think of him, he’s perfectly capable of asking anything he wants to know. He would ‘ask’ about his paycheck if his job stopped paying him. He would ‘ask’ about his monthly payments if he had a new car. He can ‘ask’ him what his future plans are, if he so wishes.

So those are 10 good signs that the man you’re involved with has no intention of being serious with you. He may be a nice guy, fun to hang out with, good with his dog, nice to his mom, but he hasn’t reached the level of being ready to commit (at least not to you). If it’s a new relationship (one year or less), wait a bit and see. But if it’s been more than a year, your best bet is to keep your options open. Don’t pass up the opportunity to get involved with someone who is willing to commit while you wait for your guy to give you a hint. Once again, do what you think is right for you, but put yourself first. Honor your own needs. And he tries to be with someone who gives you the same respect. And, as always, pray, pray, pray! God will save you even when you don’t want to save yourself! Trust in his guidance and He will always help you.

And, if you’re curious, the next chapter tells you five steps to find out if your guy is ‘the one’.