A cause that can make an autistic child obsess over death
Some autistic children are obsessed with death. They constantly ask questions about death, the experience of death, fatal illness, and suicide. This situation is quite alarming for parents, because they believe that the implications of these types of questions can be frightening.
Parents, especially mothers, are rendered powerless by their autistic child’s obsession with death and relentless questions. They try various maneuvers to get their child to stop by ignoring him, scolding him, and trying to divert his mind. But these movements do not bring any change. In fact, these movements provoke the child even more and bring anxiety and stress in his mood.
Now, the questions are, why does an autistic child ask such questions? Why is he so obsessed with death? And what should parents do in this situation?
Well, there are many causes that can make your child obsess over death. For example, nightmares, intimidation, lack of self-esteem, floods of new information, and unpredictability. But, the most important cause is “Change”.
Terrified of change
Children who ask questions related to death, or who are obsessed with death, are mostly “Terrified of Change.” The idea of ”Change” brings panic within their bodies. They ‘think’ and ‘ask’ questions like, who will replace Grandma if she dies?
“When an autistic child feels that the disruption in the order and concordance of his world is going to occur, he feels anxiety. He does not know how to deal with the situation that is coming and restrict uniformity in his world. Consequently, he asks questions related to death, over and over again, to ease his feelings of anxiety and stress. “
If your child asks you questions about death, it often means that he is afraid of change. You want to know the consequences that can appear after death.
What do most parents do when their autistic child asks questions about death?
Well, they talk about some things, over and over again. For example,
(a) Death is natural.
(b) Life is beautiful.
(c) Heaven and Hell.
However, these topics are not the exact answers for your child. These kinds of answers would be absolutely useless. Your child will start to feel even more anxious and will keep asking the same questions until you give him a satisfactory answer or relax his feelings.
To give your child satisfactory answers and understand the causes of his obsession, you must first look at his own family, his family’s conversations, and his family environment. Were there any changes in your family after the death of a loved one? Were there intense conversations about death and its consequences?
Apart from this, to find out the true source of your anxiety, take a close look at your daily activities. Is there a movie that you watch over and over again? Is there a death scene in your favorite movie? Have you seen any terrible changes or consequences after someone died?
Once you understand the true source of your anxiety, you can handle the situation with ease. You see the world through their perspective and speak in their language. Your responses gradually dilute his feelings of anxiety and make him feel like you are the best mother / father in this world who fully understands him.
You become his best friend and your son begins to love you even more.
Now, what to do after discovering the real source of his obsession with death?
Well, assure him that “nothing will change, everything will remain the same.” This should be the main focus of your entire conversation. Tell him that there will be no terrible changes if someone dies. The environment will remain the same, predictability will continue to live and the world will continue to move with the same routine.
The more he keeps his world predictable and the same for him through his responses, the more he will dilute his obsessive feelings about death and the more he will connect with it on an emotional level.