Difficult Conversations: Developing Your Team to Grow Your Business

Soon after entering management in the industry for which he has been trained, he realizes that one skill he did not acquire in his education is the ability to have difficult conversations, or what I sometimes call courageous conversations. For the scope of this article I am referring to the leadership that you carry or leave in the closet in your daily operation. These conversations often involve issues or behaviors related to staff, customers, associates, or partners. I find that most managers avoid these tough times by focusing on what they were trained to do and enjoy. We hope that “maybe they will disappear if I ignore it long enough.” Unfortunately, if left unaddressed, they often only get worse and impact both morale and company performance. Instead of leaving the office feeling satisfied each night, you go home ruminating and often grinding your teeth over an unaddressed problem. At this point, if you can’t identify with what I’m writing, consider yourself lucky, and you can put this article up for recycling. For those of you who exclaim, “That’s me!” keep reading.

Here are some tips to help you unblock yourself and avoid the dire consequences of avoiding a difficult conversation. First of all, can you identify the problem and the person (s) involved, or have you avoided it for so long that you now consider it normal?

I will list some examples that I have come across both in my own career and now as a consultant / coach in offices and corporations.

1. The employee or office manager who intimidates or harasses his co-workers to obtain the desired result.

2. The underperforming employee who gets ignored and takes performance standards to a level that makes your coworkers or yourself want to scream!

3. The associate whose relationship skills are demeaning to staff or causing patients to go out the back door.

4. The customer who has started the business but has now developed demanding or abusive expectations, and everyone dreads the moment he walks through the door. Equally frustrating is the employee who develops similar expectations of his co-workers.

5. The new hire who is never accepted or allowed to develop and become part of the team, also known as the “clique syndrome.”

6. The executive whose coping toolbox is anger, frustration, manipulation, or better yet, passing it on to the office manager and other employees.

As company leaders, a different skill set is required to address the above issues. We are used to performing specialized procedures and functions, being experts in our fields. With leadership and people development, it is an ongoing process that requires our continued influence. We all recognize clients and they return to our company not only because of our great margins and great work done, but also because of the experience they find with our team. The following are the steps to short-circuit the toxic situation.

1. Man up! Acknowledge and commit to addressing the problem. Have a conversation with a trusted colleague or your spouse. Hopefully, if you’ve raised this issue 10-15 times, you’ll be asked, “When are you going to take action?”

2. In a moment of calm and reflection, write down the specific problem, how long it has persisted, the consequences of this action or behavior, and the people involved.

3. List the different options you have and the anticipated consequences of each choice: termination; train and develop; coach; you may need legal advice or coaching before starting the process.

4. Commit to a date when you will broach the subject, and don’t allow yourself to rationalize to do it later.

5. Identify what will look different in the behavior or performance of employees to show that they have clarity and understanding of your expectations. Be specific and try to eliminate ambiguity.

6. Offer training, counseling or skills training depending on the situation. Sometimes the person may need development and your investment in them will make them an outstanding employee. We are all a work in progress!

Take the time to develop a process that takes you to a place that sheds light on the situation objectively. Practice and refine a process that generates action and results in growth. Recognize your own strengths and weaknesses in your leadership style. Commit to growth in this area, such as a continuing education course in your field of expertise. Allow your brain to think objectively and analyze the various components, much like how we approach a complex project or contract. Visualize progress and see your steps as win-win. We’re not doing anyone any favors by ignoring these issues … everyone suffers. Understanding and developing our leadership skills is one of the least developed skills in our toolbox. It affects all facets of our office, from profitability to enjoyment of our profession.

I include a reading list to enhance your lifelong learning. Feel free to contact me if you have questions or comments.

– The Truth About Leadership, by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner

– Developing the Leader Within You, by John C. Maxwell

– From Good to Excellent: Why Some Companies Make the Leap … and Others Don’t, by Jim Collins

– Change of Leadership, by John P. Kotter

– The Motivational Team Leader, by Lewis E. Losoncy

– Jack: Strait of the Gut, by Jack Welch and John A. Byrne

– On Becoming a Leader, by Warren G. Bennis