How To Get Your Ex Back: Conquer Your Inner Bully And Increase Your Chances Of Getting Your Ex Back
How to get your ex back? Consider something you shouldn’t do. This topic can be painful for you to read if it applies to you in even the smallest way. But you are willing to go through a little pain to get your ex back and live together in harmony, aren’t you? Take a deep breath and let’s dive into a painful topic.
You can’t let the inner bully win
You can’t act like a stalker if you ever hope to get your ex back. What does a bully do? A bully gives no credit to anyone but himself and criticizes the ideas and actions of everyone else. Dictionary-dot-com defines a bully as “a bully, bully, and bossy person who habitually harasses and bullies smaller or weaker people.” Let’s take that definition apart and take a closer look at it.
A bully is loud and loud. They quarrel in the blink of an eye and they quarrel over the most insignificant things. I especially like the way the Bible portrays a bully: “the one who pushes with the shoulder.” Do you push your loved one or do you have a true give and take relationship?
A bully doesn’t listen. As they can? They are so quick to argue, yell, and hurl accusations that they don’t discipline themselves to shut up. They spend all their time going to war with their partner. They think they are winning, but they are losing. They find out how much they have lost when their partner walks out the door and it will have nothing more to do with them. That’s what winning looks like for the stalker: alone and full of remorse.
A bully is always right. No matter how small the dispute, they are right and will win the argument. Something in a stalker’s makeup or background is off. They believe that winning always shows that they are strong. Or, they believe that winning will always protect them from feeling inferior or being hurt. You are wrong. Winning is always losing. Winning will always end in everyone getting hurt.
A bully intimidates. That has to be the opposite of a loving and caring nature. You will never get your ex back if there is any part of your behavior that is like a stalker. You and your loved one must be partners with each of you giving a full 100 percent to the relationship. A bully can’t relate like that and always loses in love. In fact, a bully is never loved and a bully is incapable of loving while being a bully.
So look deep to see if you act like a thug
If this suits you, I guarantee you won’t be able to get your loved one back by repeating the bullying behavior that drove the two of you apart. That means you have to see if this applies to you. Do you act like a bully in your relationship with your loved one?
Grab a pad of paper and a pencil and review your relationship with your loved ones. Write down some incidents where the two of you disagreed and had words. Especially include times when her partner yelled and stomped away or fell silent and withdrew from the discussion. Thinking back, did she feel at that moment as if she had won? If so, you may be a stalker because it is not about winning and losing but about loving and adding to each other. You should be a team of two instead of two boxers in a ring fighting.
Write down sentences that you remember to use often and see if you can find a pattern of bully words. You know the bullying words because there is a good chance that you have been bullied at one point or another during your life. Name-calling, slurs, put-downs, and bragging are examples of using words to intimidate. But don’t overlook silence as an intimidation technique as well. Silence can be the cruelest weapon of all, sending a strong message of futility to the intended target.
Don’t forget to ask for an honest evaluation from your friends. Be sure to pay attention to your tone of voice and body language. For example, if he denies that you’re a stalker, but seems like he’s holding his breath, hoping you don’t break up, you probably have your answer.
If you come to the conclusion that you have been acting like a stalker, the next step is the most difficult of all.
Starve the bully by choosing a different kind of force
If you have been bullying in your relationship with your loved one and want to change the way you are, think about how it makes you feel. In the short term, bullying is likely to make you feel strong and in charge. But that is misleading. Bullying behavior leads to the loss of all relationships that are important to you. Intimidation is a false force. The strength that comes from beating someone else is not true strength and it will not bring happiness.
True strength involves humility and the ability to ask for forgiveness. The problem is, for a bully, the true strength of humility and contrition feels weak. not weak but feel weak. This requires constant attention to overcome.
It’s pretty ironic, isn’t it? Playing the role of a bully feel how to be strong while contrite and apologetic words from a sincere heart may seem weak but will be strong in the eyes of your loved one. But as you continue to starve the inner bully and nurture the sincere, caring individual that you want to be, this latter behavior will feel like the true, strong action that it is.
Warning!
You can’t fake this. If you try to act humble and contrite without a change in your mind and heart, you will drive your loved one further away than before. don’t do it. Get some therapy, pray, talk to close friends or family and work on this until you truly regret your behavior before approaching your ex to ask for forgiveness. But if your eyes have been opened to his behavior and you will go out of your way to be considerate, caring, and loving, tentatively approach your ex to talk about it.
You can do it!