Pets

multi cultural chaos

There we were, newlyweds, living thousands of miles from either of our homes, in Durham, NC, where he was studying medicine. My husband was from Texas and I was from the north shore of Chicago. We ourselves come from two different cultures, and now we are together in a new one. It turned out to be culture shock on top of culture shock as we adjusted to each other and the cosmopolitan student body at Duke Medical School.

CULTURE IS LEARNED

Culture is something we learn. It’s not related to race or ethnicity or religion or anything else, but it does appeal to all of those groups, and especially if we’ve only lived in one place, moved in only one social group, and/or haven’t been exposed to other cultures, we tend to think of our own culture as sacred. However, so does the other person!

As we enter an exciting new world of global interaction, there will be culture clashes. Let’s continue looking at this through my Thanksgiving Story.

PLAYERS

The first Thanksgiving came around and friends from New England invited us along with 6 other couples. Guests included a man from the Dominican Republic married to a woman from Spain; a Missouri couple; a man from New York married to a woman from Brazil; two French Canadians from Quebec; and two Australians who weren’t medical students but friends from the neighborhood. The religions represented were Protestant, Catholic and Jewish. And, I might add, it included both men and women.

As friends do, we all talk to each other before the event, during and after. A lot of this had to do with finding out what was going on with all these nationalities represented. We divided into factions over what was “right” and what was “wrong”, often switching sides with different issues.

TIME AND COMMUNICATION

“Why not?” asked my husband. “When are we eating?” My husband liked everything organized and without surprises. I was more flexible but willing to dive in and explore so I called the hostess. “It’s buffet,” she said. I searched for more information, such as when we were expected to leave, and if I could bring anything, hoping it would reveal the menu. His responses were typically New England, short and to the point.

“Didn’t you find out anything?” asked my husband, when I came back empty-handed.

“She didn’t offer anything,” I said. “I did my best.”

“Why didn’t you ask him the questions directly?” he said.

“Because that’s rude,” I told him.

“You are too polite,” he replied.

“Then next time you call,” I told him.

“That’s the woman’s job,” she replied.

We and Missourians arrived at noon: 11, which was our cultural dictate; a few minutes late to allow the host and hostess to make last-minute adjustments, but no more than 15 minutes late. The French Canadians and Australians arrived about 30 minutes later. Couples that included a Latino arrived an hour or two after noon.

“How rude,” said the New Yorker. “How are we supposed to be able to plan? What do you do when you invite the Gonzalez?”

“Relax,” said the Australians. “We all have children. Things happen.”

The French-Canadians spoke to each other in French, obviously disgusted by the delays, then smiled and said, “Isn’t that a wonderful Thanksgiving?” avoiding dissent.

The Latinos didn’t seem to realize that their entrance was something out of the ordinary. They were busy hugging everyone and having a good time!

The way we treat time varies greatly between cultures. We had already had our cocktail hour by the time the Latinos arrived and we were ready to eat, but we felt they should also have time for a drink and a little chat. It was an awkward moment. Somewhere there was also a football game involved, the time of which was mistaken.

“Don’t worry about the soccer game,” said the Dominican. “This is Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving IS the football game,” my husband told me, his voice low, angry about it and also because he hadn’t eaten anything.

THE DRESSING

All members of the medical school contingent were dressed up and in festive clothing. Australians wore blue jeans. The social group also has a pull.

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