Rise above comparing yourself to others

The pitfalls of self-comparison

Do you base your happiness on how you compare to a neighbor, co-worker, sibling, friend, or celebrity? It is easy to think that if you had her body, her house, her knowledge, her husband, her job, her beauty, her intelligence, her personality, or her money, you would be happy. But that kind of thinking is a trap! When we compare ourselves with others, we assume that there is a correct way to “be.” There is no. Everyone has great qualities. Everyone has great value. And, everyone is different.

Another pitfall of this type of thinking is that it makes comparing yourself to others a yardstick for self-esteem. If all our value is focused outside of us, our self-esteem will rise and fall as external circumstances change. If we struggle with illness or aging and someone younger, wealthier, prettier, or smarter moves in next door, we suddenly feel useless. And that’s an unhappy way to live.

The truth is that there will always be someone who is better than us in almost all areas of life, just as there will always be someone who is not at our level. So we can’t compare ourselves to others without becoming arrogant or insecure. You started life with a personalized package of gifts and challenges. No one else has lived your life, therefore no one else can compare to you, and vice versa.

good comparisons

If from time to time you compare yourself with others, it can be a good thing. As long as you don’t connect such comparisons to self-esteem, this can inspire you to go further and achieve more. This type of positive self-comparison motivates and drives your ambition. However, when self-comparison becomes frequent, even obsessive, it can destroy your peace of mind.

Four steps to stop comparing yourself to others

The good news is that stopping the destructive side of the comparison game isn’t hard. And the more often you practice the following steps, the easier it will be.

Step 1: Become aware of self-comparison

This is an important step. Like I said before, some self-comparisons can be good, but most of the time they are not.

Step 2: Isolate the good comparisons from the bad

Change envy for admiration.

Step 3 – Celebrate your uniqueness

Your value as a woman has little to do with how you look or what you possess. When you compare yourself to someone else, you are denying your wonderful gifts and talents. Everyone has value, but the source of that value is as different as each individual.

Step 4 – Compare yourself

I always strive to do something better than before. I take the lessons learned and combine them with qualities I admire in others and strive to be my best. I use my past successes and failures as my yardstick, and I don’t scold myself. I am in competition with myself and with no one else.

Remember to compare yourself first. And when you compare yourself to others, start by admiring their achievements and strengths. Think in terms of awe, inspiration, motivation, and respect. Feelings like jealousy, hate, resentment, rivalry, and spite feed negativity and depression. Let go of that inner darkness and you will have room to embrace the light!