Unforgettable First Impressions Part 4: Become a Social Gift Giver

Have you ever wondered why single people give flowers, wine, candy or mix CDs on first dates?

Bingo! Because they want to be lucky!

It’s a joke. They bring gifts because they want to make a good first impression. And that is the sixth and final element of this system: giving gifts. But I’m not talking about the gifts you eat, drink, listen to or have to water. I’m talking about social gifts. I deliberately placed this item last in the system because it helps you put many of the ideas we’ve already covered into practice.

In all my reading and research on first impressions, the best description of “social gifts” was written in a book called First Impressions by Dr. Ann Demaris and Dr. Valerie White. I’d like to see your theory of the four types of social gifts, but take it a step further with some specific examples you can use tomorrow to make a flawless first impression.

Social Gift #1: Show Appreciation and Respect

Each person has some handle by which they can be lifted. As such, the two most effective ways to grab attention are praise and thank you. Since we’ve already covered the first thing, let’s talk about acknowledgments. Whenever you want to show your gratitude for something or someone, always tell people what you are thanking them for. Remember, it is the part of the blanket that hangs over the bed that keeps us warm. You will be surprised how effective a specific thank you is:

“Thank you for your honesty, it means a lot to me.”

“Thanks for the interesting conversation, Randy.

I really learned a lot.”

“Thank you for bringing me that bottle of water. I thought

I was going to choke on that piece of broccoli.”

Social gift #2: find out how you are alike

Anyone who grew up in the city of St. Louis will tell you that St. Louisans are haunted by one question when they first meet someone:

“Where did you go to high school?”

I don’t know why we are obsessed with this question. But the answer always uncovers the CPI (common point of interest), whether it’s a person you both know, an old football game, or just a memorable teenage moment. It’s amazing how easy it is to give someone a social gift simply by asking this question (and if you’re reading this book and grew up in St. Louis, my answer to “The Question” is Parkway North).

But that’s a St. Louis thing. Still, the list of open-ended questions you can use to find out how you and the other person are alike is endless.

Social Gift #3: Satisfy Curiosity

Every day, four to six people ask me, “Scott, I just have to ask you, why are you wearing a name tag?”

You may be wondering if, after more than four years, this question ever gets old.

No problem.

I have always liked answering this question not only because it allows me to talk about my passion, my business, and the validation of my existence, but also because it empowers me to give a social gift as a result of being accessible. After all, seeing a name tag of a person who is NOT in a meeting or at work is terribly weird. And people just have to ask. People just have to satisfy their curiosity!

But there are plenty of other ways to give social gifts for the sake of someone else’s curiosity. My favorite is through trivia. You know those useless trivial facts found in daily calendars, candy wrappers, and emails? After all, they are not so useless.

In the summer of 2004 I read a sidebar in USA Today that said the following:

“Every year on the 4th of July, Americans consume 150 million hot dogs. If you lined up that many hot dogs end to end, they would stretch from the moon AND BACK seven times.”

When I read this I was amazed. Maybe I was nauseous, I don’t remember. Either way, I learned a trivia that was relevant AND interesting. So for the next few weeks before, during, and after the 4th of July, I made it a point to use it at the beginning of every conversation I had.

And it turned out that; people were more interested in sausages than they thought.

We start discussions about vacations, hot dogs, fireworks, baseball games, you name it! And it was all for a simple trivia.

Another great benefit of trivia is that it will positively affect someone’s behavior. Offer someone some trivia and watch them raise their eyebrows, nod, smile, alter their body language, and lean forward. Trivia speeds up the entire communication process! And it’s all because your not-so-useless social gift will make people feel comfortable and more willing to communicate. Satisfying curiosity will almost always produce this result.

Social Gift #4: Cheer Them Up

Do you know someone who is contagious? (Not the flu.) Perhaps his smile, laugh, positive nature, or love just rubs off on everyone in his presence? Think Henry the Bellman, Cherise the Waitress, and Jeffrey the Salesman from Chapter 3 – all contagious people.

GOOD NEWS: You can be contagious too!

Here’s how: Use fun, laughter, jokes, and interesting stories in your daily repertoire of social gifts.

“But Scott, I can’t remember any of them. I hear a joke or a story and then I never think about it again.”

Without worries. The best way to organize this content is with a “Laugh Log.” I’ve been using mine for several years as a way to organize my content for books, speeches, articles, and learning tools. But it’s also perfect for conversations. Just get a blank notebook or journal and take a few minutes at the end of each day to write a few notes.

Ask yourself this question; then write some notes about the incident. Do this every day and after a week or certainly after a month or a year you will have some great material to add to your “first impression lexicon”.

Laughter Logs reminds me of the first time I met my friend Billy. I was a junior in college at the University of Miami. He and I were walking the same path but without speaking, so I decided to break the silence.

“Hey, do you want to hear a good joke?” I asked.

After telling him one of my favorite jokes, Billy introduced himself and we immediately felt like we’d known each other for years. We walked further and realized that we even knew some of the same students on campus. After we said goodbye and decided to meet up later in the week, Billy said, “Hey, thanks again for the joke. I really needed a laugh.”

Remember, even if you don’t have much time, these four types of social gifts will help make you UNFORGETTABLE!