When is it too late to save a marriage? Why do I think it’s almost never too late?

I often hear from wives who are concerned that they have waited too long (or not done enough) to save their troubled marriages. Many tell me that they think it’s been too long before trying to make a positive change, so they worry that they really can’t do anything to fix what has been broken for a long time. And many are not at peace with this and do not want to give up. Many of these wives are looking for some effort to repair their marriage before they are forced to throw in the towel.

I often hear comments like “when is it too late to save or fix your marriage? Because I worry that it is too late for us. nothing left.” going to save him.”

Frankly, it is my opinion that it is hardly ever too late. I have seen couples who were actually divorced remarry. I have seen couples who had started relationships with other people get back together. And I’ve seen couples who can’t even stand to be in the same room and eventually turn things around. In short, I have seen marriages long left for dead bounce back with a little effort, luck, and diligence. I will discuss more about this matter in the next article.

If you’re worried that it’s too late to save your marriage, you may be right because your fears may become a self-fulfilling prophecy: I often hear of wives saying things like “I’m not ready to give up on my marriage. In fact, I still love my husband, but I know it’s too late for us.” This is very unfortunate because the wife is going to give up, almost making sure that she is absolutely right about it being too late. If she allows these fears and assumptions to prevent her from taking any real action, then she is virtually guaranteeing that she will get precisely what she doesn’t want and what she fears the most.

If you really want and intend to save your marriage, you’re much better off promising to take a measured approach, do your best, and wait and see before you make potentially dangerous assumptions. It’s often best not to try to quantify emotions and relationships that often don’t fit into neat little categories. Focus on what you can control and try to believe that if you get it right, all the other pieces will fall into place.

Times when it may be too late to save the marriage: There are some cases where I have observed that the marriage is more likely to end. These are cases where one spouse has abused another (or the couple’s children) and simply cannot or will not make any permanent changes to ensure this stops.

Another case where the marriage sometimes ends is when both parties become completely indifferent and uninvested. What I mean by that is that no one is angry, fearful or jealous anymore. Both parties are at peace with the decision to end the marriage because they both know that it ended naturally and that although they did their best to prevent it, they still fell short.

However, I have to say that most of the time, this is not the situation I see. Most of the time, at least only one of the spouses is indifferent. Although it’s a little more difficult to save the marriage when one spouse is indifferent (or thinks he or she is), it’s not impossible if the willing spouse is able to make some notable and necessary changes on his or her own.

Cases when it is not too late to fix your marriage: I often hear from people who tell me that they are sure their marriage is too far away. They will confess that they and their spouse tell each other that they hate each other, fight all the time, or are unfaithful. It’s as if they believe that if they can rack up a bunch of negative descriptions, I’ll eventually give up and admit, “Okay, your marriage is too far gone. It can’t be saved.”

This almost never happens. Why? Because if people have taken the time to search and then ask me about his marriage, they are certainly not indifferent to what happens to him. So it is obvious that at least one of the spouses is still somewhat committed and not indifferent. And frankly, it doesn’t always matter that they hate each other or that they’re constantly fighting. Of course, they will have to change these emotions and behaviors. But the presence of strong (even negative) emotions at least shows me that mutual indifference is not present.

And yes, people tell me that one of them is leaving or has moved. They tell me that they are leaving or have separated. None of these things derail me that much. Because I’ve seen a rebound of marriages like this (including mine). I know it can be done. The question if not is often, “is it too late to save my marriage?” Instead, it’s, “what am I going to do to save my marriage before it’s too late?”

Instead of worrying about putting a definition or restriction on your relationship, it’s often much better to come up with an effective and workable plan. I learned this the hard way. Trust me when I say that it is almost never too late to save your marriage, but the longer you wait to take some effective and definitive action, the more difficult it becomes.