Why Your Toxic Parents Aren’t Cool Like You Always Thought
I’m sure you would announce to the whole world that your parents are fine. Your childhood was normal and happy in your life. But this is the opposite. That is why you are here and you are reading my point of view on this matter.
You still want to go back to your denial state that you have a “normal, healthy family.” But there is a little red light in your mind that whispers something else.
Domestic abuse means hopelessness.
While parents try to grow their children, they hide their fundamental problems. It prevents them from doing it or at least in a normal and healthy way without much trouble.
In other words, your intentions are optimistic at first. There is a problem when you endure your emotional trauma too long. Then you are full of limitations, helplessness, pain and anger.
Therefore, this state of mind cannot last long without an explosion. One day those unhappy parents decide to have children. What they do to cover their emptiness is a matter of time when real problems and dramas start to happen.
Children are innocent and sensitive from the beginning. What bothers parents, children accept as their problem. Parents can burden them with their beliefs and negativity early on.
Abuse begins when children are the main trigger for the parents’ unresolved problem. Children can remember their past family drama. What we do not like about others is a mirror of our characteristics that we do not like.
Let’s be honest: growing kids is hard work. It requires patience, a high level of empathy, and respect for their lives. A parent can deal with anxiety, depression, or substance overdose. It turns them into abusers in no time.
There is yelling, control, punishment, harassment, or even inappropriate behavior like abuse. These are one of the few problems that children face.
The ridiculous thing is that everything happens on a deep unconscious level. It is like a hypnotic trance, without much understanding of what is going on. It is like the possession of an entity and the inability to control the mind and behavior.
These people don’t want to improve their parenting skills and personality to fail. They did nothing but destroy the lives of their children.
When you become an adult, you may feel like something was wrong in the past. You are wrong with the idea that everything was fine. When you finally realize the truth, the shock is overwhelming.
Did my parents abuse me? Not! They are such good people. He is my father and mother, and he should love my family.
This clash confuses what to believe. You still had good times with your parents. There are happy memories and some bad ones.
When the constant abuse happened, everything was mixed with something positive. It is the cycle of violence. One week the abuser is nasty and hurtful, but the other week he is charming and tries to show you so-called “love.”
This cycle can be repeated over and over again. Confused young children. They don’t see the difference between love and pain at this point, so they accept violence.
The first good step in overcoming your past problems is acknowledging that your parents are not well. This commotion is paralyzing, icy, and terrifying. But it is crucial to understanding your abusive past.
Then you can be free, resilient, and independent to create the life you’ve always wanted.