A letter to betrayal
Oh betrayal, bittersweet betrayal
So clever yet so powerful.
If only I was told that you would show up early on a Tuesday morning with so much power that you would literally “sweep” me and hit me so hard that I would painfully try to stop my heartbeat while my body was pounding. floor; I would have prepared you.
If only they told me that there is still no greater enemy, no more powerful victorious dark force than you; I would have prepared you.
If only they told me that you would be the highlight of my year and my bittersweet companion this May; He would have mentally prepared me for your arrival.
If only they told me that there is no more powerful bullet to destroy my heart in a matter of seconds and break it into billions of pieces; I would have prepared you.
If only they told me that you can “destroy” the most powerful magic in the world, Love, and transmute it into an ocean of tears accompanied by unimaginable and unbearable pain without effort; I would have prepared you.
If only I was told that the one I love would use you to pierce my heart, with a smile on his face, as he danced with me in the land of false promises and false hope in disguise; he would have prepared you.
I didn’t see you coming and that’s what hurts me the most.
You didn’t come to the dance of life alone, you brought with you: disappointment, a lot of sadness, tears, worry, shame, guilt, mental paralysis, envy, hate, despair; and you demand that I dance with everyone at the same time.
The reason has left me.
Strength is missing.
Anger at myself has kept me awake at night.
As soon as I open my eyes then I manage to sleep with powerful pills that seem to have little effect on me; you send a thousand images to my mind of what was, of what is, as well as joyous images of the happiness of traitors in the midst of my sorrows.
Doubt appeared with enthusiasm at his call.
A million unanswered questions have attacked my mind that have not remained since you arrived.
Self-confidence slipped away at the sight of you.
How naive I have been not to see you coming.
How the warrior in me has fallen in the midst of battle because she never thought that One of her own would lead you to her without mercy and consideration for the love she has for him.
How the queen in me fell from her throne and lost her mind while you invaded her kingdom without permission.
I didn’t see you coming because of the innocent trust and faith I had for my beloved.
If Peter betrayed Jesus and turned his back on him when he needed it most; Who am I to escape from you if there was no closest companion?
If my enemies joyfully celebrate their victory while I am crucified; Who am I to stop them from enjoying their prepared hit?
Who am I not to feel the pain of crucifixion with sadness and pain as my daily companions?
I take heart and hope that I can quickly lick my wounds and succumb to the pain so that your “death” can take the pain away. Some things have to take their course no matter what, so I’ll let you win for now…
When I get up again, and I will; I hope and pray that you are billions of miles away because I may forgive you, but you will be crushed into a billion pieces and become a forgotten memory.
I hope we never meet again in this life. Many times I have been “killed” but my mini deaths only made me more powerful, wiser and increased my light as well as my testimony of God’s love for me.
Enjoy your temporary stay.
In the meantime;
I will cry a million rivers,
I will allow myself to heal and let nature take its course.
The only comforting thing about your presence in one’s life is that Time always defeats you.
Queen Mary Faye