Children’s Awareness Month: A Wake-Up Call for Divorcing Parents
June is children’s awareness month. The US government’s Center for Mental Health Services created this annual campaign to increase public awareness of the importance of protecting and nurturing the mental health of young people.
It is certainly an ideal time to reflect on how we, individually and as a culture, really treat our children. Sure, it’s easy to be a loving parent during the good times, when our days run smoothly. However, it is when we are faced with the inevitable, though often unexpected, stresses of life that we need to be on our guard. Too often, our innocent and powerless children bear the brunt of our frustrations, resentments, and anxiety.
This is especially true when the family is facing a divorce. Under the weight of their own emotional dramas, many parents lose all perspective on their children. Whether knowingly or not, they often make their children pawns or bargaining chips in their ongoing battles around divorce.
Despite repeated warnings from experts—in books, articles, talk show commentary, and countless websites—too many parents continue to put their own needs first, ignoring the emotional and psychological impact on their children. These parents choose to ignore common sense as well as basic guidelines endorsed by therapists and child welfare advocates around the world. Among the most important guidelines to remember are:
o Remind your children that they are not to blame
o Remind your children that both parents love them
o Never ask your children to choose between parents
o Never speak ill of your spouse in front of your children.
o Never ask your children to make decisions regarding custody or family changes
o Remind your children that coping with change is a natural part of life
o Remind your children that they will be okay
There is a growing movement in the psychological and legal communities known as Collaborative or Child Centered Divorce. If you are among the many families facing separation or divorce, you will be doing your children, as well as yourself, a great service by seeking professionals focused in this direction. With his guidance, you can create a future for your children that is supportive, nurturing, and positive, despite the challenges of divorce.
As parents, it is our responsibility to protect our children, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Be aware of what you say, do, and model for your children because the impact can affect them for life. When the divorce is collaborative, for the good of the children, everyone wins. And your children will grow to thank you, as mine did, for handling their divorce with compassion, integrity, and respect during their formative and most vulnerable years.