How to Help Someone Grieving the Death of a Pet

Have you ever seen a friend or neighbor distraught over the death of a pet? If you’ve never had a pet or considered getting one, were you surprised to see someone crying? Actually, that response is as normal as when a close friend or loved one dies.

Here’s what you need to know about helping someone mourning the death of a pet, as there is a great deal of grief involved that can last for long periods of time.

1. As with the death of a friend or family member (and most animals are considered part of the family), grievances are to be expected due to the degree of emotional investment in the object of loss. Emotional investment means care and concern; it is deep love. Only the mourner knows the depth of that investment. Sometimes the grievance of pets is more intense than the grievance associated with the death of a loved one.

2. Give permission to show emotion about something you say or do. Hug the person and say, “This must be really hurting” or “I’m so sorry to hear that.” Use the pet’s name when you can. Acknowledge how close the relationship was between the pet and the bereaved and encourage them to talk about the illness or what led to the death.

3. Offer to be helpful in some way. Bring food home, if applicable. Go with the owner to the pet cemetery. Provide transportation. Simply showing that you are aware of the impact of death will go a long way for your friend.

4. Go over the relationship the person had with the pet in a kind and caring way. Ask questions about how long the pet has been in the family and where it came from. Encourage storytelling involving what the pet did or didn’t do. All of this will give you a better idea of ​​what the loss means to the person.

5. The grievance over the death of a loved animal is as individual as the grievance over the death of a family member. There will be a wide range of differences, some demonstrative others very reserved. Don’t judge the depth of the grievance by outward appearances. Respect all expressions of grievance. Some people will hide their grievance for fear that others will ridicule their behavior. Be sure to include children in learning about grief and death through the death of the pet.

6. Keep in mind that, especially with older adults living alone, some pets may be the only family a person has. Thus, the animal is one of the few or perhaps the only one from which the mourner received unconditional love.

7. If other losses have preceded a pet’s death, it can make the pet’s death more difficult to deal with. For example, if a pet owner has had to give up driving, had a debilitating illness, had friends move, or experienced the death of a loved one, these or other losses can easily result in grief overload. . The bereaved will especially need a caring and understanding community at this time of transition.

8. Guilt, anger, or depression can also be associated with losing a pet. Guilt is the most common reaction, especially if the owner had to euthanize the pet, was not present when the pet died, or did not recognize the disease until the later stages.

9. Help create or suggest a memorial. A picture, toy, or necklace can be used as a way to honor or remember the pet. An object belonging to the animal can be encased in Lucite or placed on a shelf that can be easily seen.

Pets no longer play a key role in homes across the country. Rather, they have come to play the role of partner, supporter, and old friend. Consequently, the death of a pet can become a highly grieving experience for young and old alike. Be sensitive to the role the animal played in the family’s life, and you’ll be better equipped to provide ongoing support and appropriate memories that will serve you well for months to come.