How to look skinny on stage and get them to focus on your words instead of your tummy

All the world is a stage and all men and women are mere actors. Shakespeare had it almost right. In fact, on stage, the world can see everything and the men and women just play skinny. On stage, people can see every chop, sway, movement and enough belly fat that Pillsbury’s Dough Boy agent calls to ask him to replace him once his contract with Pillsbury expires. To make matters worse, one scenario involves a spotlight and usually stills and video footage where, if you get the camera angle right, it can look like an audition tape for The Biggest Loser.

The good news is that there are things you can do to look skinny on stage, and it doesn’t mean converting to the Islamic faith and adopting the burqa…a plus-size burqa. There are several things you can do to look slim and polished on stage:

• Hide the flaccidity of the arm. Unless you’re Michelle Obama with killer arms, you may need to cover those triceps. You may find yourself completely inspired and gesturing wildly on stage. Then, looking back at the video footage of the event, she sees the extra skin on her arm flapping so wildly that the audience was expecting her to take off at any moment. Unfortunately, Spanx doesn’t make arm bras, so he’ll have to disguise those arms by wearing a 3/4 sleeve or long sleeve, or he can wear a jacket over his outfit. Sometimes a jacket is the preferable option because with a thin fabric you can still see the movement of your under-toned arms.
• Disguise the belly To hide your belly fat, do the 8-minute abs workout…every day…for a year now. If you don’t have a time machine, I have a word for you, Spanx. All the super skinny celebrities you see on TV use so, it’s like steroids for women. It’s not an unfair advantage if we’re all doing it. If Spanx still isn’t enough, then you can hide your tummy by wearing something that fools the eye, like a wrap top or wrap dress, or a top or dress that has ruching in the midsection. Also take frontal photos, not side photos.
• Disguise the loot. If you’re so booty-rich that Beyonce would need to add another 5 minutes of song lyrics to include you, then you definitely need a way to disguise your butt. Keep her lower half in dark colors and draw attention to the upper half of her body. Accessories, metallics and bright colors are great to accentuate your upper half.

Pasting a full-length photo of Gisele Bündchen on the front of your body is one way to look skinny on stage. However, with this strategy, there will be several guys with large butterfly nets standing on the stage ready to take you to an ‘installation’. Getting slim on stage can be achieved with a few simple tricks of the trade to minimize problem areas. With any luck, your performance on stage will leave you energized and confident and won’t end in a Shakespearean tragedy.