I’m starting to think my husband is not coming back, now what?

Sometimes I hear of wives who begin to believe that their estranged husbands will never come home. They have often tried to wait patiently and be optimistic, but these things have not helped much.

I heard from one wife who said, “During the first few weeks of our separation, I tried very hard to hope that my husband would come home very soon. The hope was that he would miss me so much that he would cancel the rent in his new apartment and come back to me.” “But as the weeks turned into months I started to lose hope. I have to admit I’m having a hard time giving my husband space. I call and come in quite often. Some days he seems happy to see me and other days he puts excuses and doesn’t even interact with me. He’s secretive about how he’s living his life or if he’s dating other people. I’m at the point where I don’t think he’s coming back, but when I tell him this, he says I have no reason to believe him and that I choose see only the negative. I just can’t help it. I haven’t seen any sign that he has any immediate plans to return. So what’s a wife supposed to do when she realizes you’re not likely to return? and? I will tell you my feelings on this below.

First of all, I fully understand how this wife felt. I’ve been in this situation and I know how disgusting it can be when you get that sinking feeling that you could carry on alone when he doesn’t come back. It is a terrible and desperate feeling. However, I must point out that this husband was telling the wife very directly that he was not indicating that he would never come home. He was just telling her that he needed more time. And the wife had openly admitted that she was not giving her husband the time he was asking for. Basically, she got close to him every day. She had never tried the strategy of backing off a bit to see if it would help the situation.

Personally, she didn’t think she necessarily had to give up just yet. There was nothing that said she couldn’t back off a bit and start living her life instead of putting it on hold. This did not mean that she was giving up on her marriage. It just would no longer mean that she was giving up on herself. I know that starting to live your life can sound overwhelming at times when you are apart. But, it actually makes you feel a little better most of the time. You feel like you are actively participating in life instead of desperately watching it go by. And, I’ll tell you something else. It’s a common thing for husbands to suddenly take a little interest in you when you’re not that strong. The thing is, they’re often so used to hearing from you or seeing you regularly that when you’re quiet for a while, they suddenly get curious. Suddenly they begin to wonder what the hell has changed.

I can’t promise this will happen every time, but I’ve seen it happen several times. Often once you give him the space he has asked for, then the separation process can really begin. As he is getting his space and time to think, he will be able to freely evaluate what he really wants, what he is willing to contribute, and he will have the opportunity to miss you.

I eventually came to see it like this. There was really no downside to getting up, dusting myself off and starting living my life. Of course, I was hoping that giving her space would help my marriage. But I told myself that even if it didn’t, it was time for me to start moving forward. It was not good for me to live in limbo without enjoying my life. I figured if he came back, it would be wonderful, but if he didn’t, well, then it was time for me to stand up anyway.

Over time, most women tire of waiting for someone else to dictate their future. You have the ability to decide how you want to live today and tomorrow. Do you really want to live it in misery and feeling like you’re on hold? I’m not implying that you should move on as if your marriage is over because you don’t know right now. What I’m saying is that it makes sense to stop living while you wait. You can live your best life while hoping for the best. And sometimes this will actually help encourage your husband to accept it because seeing that you respect yourself enough to live again will make him respect you more and this will make you more attractive to him.