Transitioning to stay home: 8 ideas that helped me stay sane
Even when the choice is ours, the transition from working in the office all day to working as a full-time parent at home is difficult for many of us. We are stripped of the skill set we excelled at and thrown into a new job that we know painfully little about. There is no longer time off as needed or recognition for a job well done. Stripped of our career title, professional purpose, and adult stimulation, we are often inundated for a time as we try to see how we fit into our new identity.
Slowly, I have discovered some details that have helped me find happiness and stability in my new path:
1.Schedule/Routine
A whole day at home alone with a little one is a LOT of time. From past transitions (I’ve lived abroad a couple of times) I knew that making a routine helps me find myself. It gives me a sense of direction and purpose.
Babies and toddlers don’t lend themselves to organizing a packed day, but allow for a flexible schedule. I asked myself what things I wanted to do regularly (like take a shower) and I picked a general time to do it every day. I thought of the tasks I would like to do and spread them out on a weekly or monthly schedule. It is true that I also watched the television program and planned part of my day around programs that I could have in the background while I was with my son. Creating that schedule (even with things that wouldn’t have been important in my past life) made a huge difference in helping me not feel overwhelmed by the length of my days.
2. Nap time = Your time
Someone advised me that when my baby sleeps, I should sleep. However, as time went on and Brandon slept more at night, I discovered that there were other priorities that made me feel more human. It wasn’t the same every day. Sometimes I wanted to read or bake. Other times I felt like being on the internet or writing. Other times I appeared in a romantic comedy and sat on the couch. I used this time to be Amy the woman and not Amy the mother, wife, daughter, sister…etc. Even if it was only 15 minutes, it was time just for me.
3. Connect with other parents
Share your thoughts and feelings with friends or siblings who are parents. Visit parenting sites or chat rooms. Join or create a playgroup. Participate in a social networking site. The point is not to feel alone, to have conversations with other adults, and to get some ideas about how this whole parenting thing works.
4. Lower expectations
Your family is not Brady’s. The house isn’t always going to be clean, and sometimes dinner is going to be nothing but peanut butter and jelly. Alright. Give yourself a little slack. There aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all AND stay sane!
5. Free time plan
Find time to go out with friends, get a massage, exercise, etc. Leave the house only when you can. I’ve even found solo trips to the grocery store to be quite refreshing.
6. Work from home
Once my son grew up, I realized that our household could use more financial deposits and needed more intellectual stimulation. I researched work from home on the internet and after some soul searching decided that freelance writing kept my mind busy and made me happy.
7. Theme music
Many years ago, on an Ally McBeal show, Ally’s therapist, played by Tracy Ullman, told her to find a theme song: a song that, when sung in her head, would lift her mood. Mine is “Friend” by Pure Prairie League and I have a friend whose theme song is “Brick House” by Kool and the Gang. What could be your theme song?
8. Choice
Just like anything else, being home full time isn’t for everyone. Personally, I don’t like being forced to do anything for a long period of time, so just knowing that I could change my mind gave me some of the peace I needed to figure it out.
My son is now three years old and I would like to say that my transition is complete, but it is not. I still have days where I wonder if I made the right decision, but I’m happy more than 90% of the time and that’s enough for now.