What should you do if your spouse ignores you after your affair?
I sometimes hear of panicked spouses being completely ignored after their infidelity or affair is discovered. Often, they know they deserve their spouse’s wrath, but are afraid that their spouse will continue to ignore them and that this could mean that their infidelity will contribute to their marriage ending forever.
I heard a wife say, “I admitted to cheating on my husband because I just couldn’t take the guilt anymore. And, at the end of the day, I wanted to come out so I could save my marriage. I knew my husband would rage and I was. But I didn’t expect him to kick me out, which is exactly what he did. He barely said a word and showed me the door. I left because I thought I needed some time to think. However, it’s been over a week and he’s not answering my calls he doesn’t return my text. I showed up at the house the other day and he came to the door and just shook his head as if to show that no, he wouldn’t let me in or acknowledge my presence. Through the door, I asked him if he was going to ignore me forever and he just shrugged and turned and walked away I understand his anger but I absolutely hate being ignored what does it mean to be ignored what should I do I will try to answer these questions in the following article.
As difficult as it may be, often it’s in your best interest to give your spouse some space: I know this is a difficult situation. Many people tell me that they would actually rather have their spouse yell and yell at all sorts of insults than just ignore them. I get it because even if your spouse is mad at you, at least he’s experiencing enough emotion to have a reaction, even if it’s negative.
But if he doesn’t seem to be experiencing much emotion and is ignoring you as a result, you start to wonder if this will go on forever or is it gone completely. I understand that you feel this way, but I understand that your spouse may be floundering and not sure how you really feel. As someone who has been cheated on, I can tell you that you often feel very different from one hour to the next. Sometimes you are angry. Other times you are hurt. And there are many times when you are confused. And, when your spouse keeps showing up demanding that you talk to them, this can make things worse for you, which brings me to my next point.
How to react when your spouse won’t stop ignoring you after being caught cheating or having an affair: I know it can be tempting to try to engage your spouse or get mad at them just to give them an idea of how you feel. But try to avoid negative emotions directed at them. None of this is his fault. In fact, it was your actions that set this in motion. If you want to save your marriage with your spouse, it really pays to have a little patience and focus on their well-being instead of your own.
They probably won’t ignore you forever, but let them end this outdated companion on their own terms. They deserve to be able to set the pace at their own comfort level. Many spouses in this situation tell me that they are not sure how to proceed. They want to understand and respect their spouse’s need for space. But, at the same time, you don’t want to leave your spouse’s life so quickly that it seems like you don’t care.
There really is a fine line. My advice would be to avoid head-to-head confrontations until invited. It is probably painful and confusing for your spouse to see you show up at his house unannounced trying to gauge your reaction. Instead, you may want to communicate via text, email, or by sending flowers or cards. But don’t be pushy about it. Instead of sending messages that say “how long do you plan on ignoring me” or “you can’t dodge me forever,” you should keep the message supportive rather than pressure. You might want to say something like, “I respect that you don’t want to see or talk to me right now. But I just want you to know that I love you and am only looking out for your best interest. Anytime you’re ready to talk or have questions, I’m available.” for you whenever possible. If there’s anything I can do to help you heal or offer some relief, all you have to do is say so.”
You see the difference? You are signing up to show you care and are offering support and reassurance. But you are not pressuring them or trying to make them feel guilty or selfish about their isolation.